i want to feel alive,

will you let me wander,
down this path that i have chosen

will you let me squander,
all that i used to know

is it even possible,
for someone like me to feel

break me open, make me whole
crush my heart, make me feel

feel something at all,
i want to hurt, to cry, so i can laugh& feel again
to bet bitter & sweet

let me live again

today

was good because I had peach ice tea,

it sucked cause Michel's patisserie charged me for a large iced coffee, but gave me a medium=[

It improved greatly cause we had slightly hilarious conversation topic's in maths,
I now know what a 'spit roast' is, that's disgusting, so glad I declined the offer, even though I had no idea what they were talking about. How can guy's even want to do that, fucking feral.

Mrs C wouldn't sign my RTC form, so stuck in there again today for art, somebody's obviously not getting any, hahaha.

Changed back to basketball for sport, much nicer sitting in the sunshine& chatting.
poor JB, MW put orange juice in her hair& kept poking her with sticks, I would have hit MW, but his tank as& I like living=]

i feel the life drowning with every breathe

your hands, sliding down my back

your voice whispers in my ear, these sweet dreams reminiscing

of when our kisses were rough and fast

as if we would die without the touch of each others skin,

but now my lips are cracked & dry, i can hardly breathe

what i wouldn't give to feel alive again

this is not who i am, nor is it an explanation

i feel nothing for you,

only the anticipation with your arms around me.

you say you hold me cause i'm warm,

but all i feel is cold inside

i know that i'm heartless,

i know this life is pointless.

for what its worth i'm only here for the sex.

but it would be nice if you would hold me after, i need someone to hold me together..

because im falling apart

all the shattered pieces, all the scattered pieces

these pieces of me, held together for hours dissipate into nothing when daylight comes

hungoverr

So I'm not attending school today,
sorry guy's to hungover=/

I have my first day of work this afternoon, shit I've already lost my name badge.
I'll just say it broke or something^^
The thing is I was at my old job for almost 2years and now I'm super nervous, what if everyone there hates me, or if there all complete creeps.
It's like the first day of school..

I should know about first day's of new schools, having had 15 of them.
It's never fun...
ever.

So first shift, yeah I'm scared.


I also have a shitload of things to do like,
get photos printed
buy fairy lights
clean caravan
get bank details so work can pay me
call centrelink so they know i'm employed

It's just so freaking boring,


I really want to fill my caravan with fairy lights& party pictures, get the walls painted white& the doors on cupboards red...
it's such a hole at the moment=/

seriously who want's to help me make it pretty?

I'm thinking once i pay Remi's mum for the Big Day Out ticket& pay back my phone bill=0
I shall buy fairy lights & such.
pretty, so bored.

Brisneyland is such a bore, I feel so inferior to the cool kids with there dm boots& shiz.
I wish I could afford dm's, there on my list^^

Carlos's 17th, My 17 memorable moments from that night.