Saturday, November 28, 2009

when did this all become so meaningless

I've spent hours, attempting to make lists in my mind, sequential, reasonable straight forward lists. Trying to determine the exact moment I threw away my life. I realized that It is fairly silly of me to attempt to make sense of such unreasonableness.

I can't really blame anyone else, as much as I'd like, I can't blame the alcohol or the weed, because these are the same mistakes I was going to make sober. I just need to some how make things right, to think straight and make good decisions for my life. Something I haven't done since June this year.

I wish I could take the easy way out,
but I know how much that would hurt my family &I'm guessing my friends would care to.
I would do anything to start over. The sad thing is I thought I might've had a chance in any relationship with anyone. I'm not the girl that guys think of when they say girlfriend...

I'm more the girl that gets thought of as drunk sex girl.

I now realize how easily I've let myself be used.

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